insane in the membrane

insane in the brain.

i'm finishing up week 5 of general chemistry--an entire year's worth of information, labs and demonstrations jam packed into 9 weeks. not to mention three finals and six midterm exams. and 9 other mid-week tests. i'm beginning to wonder: am i really as capable as i had hoped??

i met with two ladies from my class today--both of them consistently make top grades. i thought it would help me to study with them. i suppose it did, although not in the manner i had anticipated. it helped me to better-understand my unique motivations for pursuing continued education... after spending two hours listening to discussions about who's getting what grades and why or why not one point should/should not have been deducted from a final score... i was tired. i don't define myself by points. i define myself by my Creator: who has given me a dream. in this, i am secure. the group disappated when one girl stormed away in tears due to not understanding an equation as well as our other study mate... after which her friend turned to me and said, "dana, i wish we could be like you. if i miss a point, i feel like i'm not worth anything. if i can't be the best, i shouldn't be here."

so what did i learn? not much about chemistry. but i did learn that i don't have to be the best to feel valued. I. Love. People. I want to help. and i am willing to sacrifice for that. that makes me feel valuable: making a positive difference in our hurting world. so it's back to the books. but the books do not define dana.